Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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