Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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