I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
