the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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