So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
