She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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