i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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