I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
