His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
