She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
