Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
