I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
