As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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