You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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