This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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