If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
