i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
