Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
