just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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