and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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