You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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