this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
