Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
