You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
