I am spending my child support on dildos
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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