your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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