I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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