I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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