Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
