who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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