Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
