Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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