I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
