I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
