Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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