he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize