don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
