I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
