my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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