it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
