SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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