grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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