can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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