Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
