i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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