OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
