Your tits are I can't wait for
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
