I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
