I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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