a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize