alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I intend to get homeless drunk
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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