he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
