I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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