She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
