omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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