I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I feel like death gave me a hand job
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
