Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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