He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
