at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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