Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
