I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
