Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
