the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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