I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
