Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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