did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
