the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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