i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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